Uncomfortably Numb…
Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb”:
“…You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying
When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons
Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain, you would not understand
This is not how I am
I have become comfortably numb"…”
Somewhere in childhood we learned ways to avoid strong emotions we didn’t know how to hold and process. No one taught us how to FEEL and live with it! How to handle “negative emotions” like disappointment, fear, anger, worry, panic, sadness. No one taught us how to hold “positive emotions” either! Sometimes we can’t even handle, or allow ourselves joy, excitement, attraction, glee, amusement, strong feelings of love.
We get overwhelmed with any emotion! It feels proportionate to how strong the feeling is too, doesn’t it? So… in absence of coping skills we learn to do these things to (ineffectively) manage the feelings we can’t process:
Avoid
Detach
Distract
Bury
Stay extra busy
Deny
In short - NUMB. All of these behaviors blunt the strength of emotions. It’s our psyche doing what it can to relieve stress and pressure! And, what do we use to accomplish these things - we EAT.
Or drink, or drug, or watch too much phone & TV, or create all-consuming relationship dramas…
What if we can learn to feel safe in FEELING? What if we can learn to allow FEELING? What if we can learn to give our body PERMISSION to FEEL - - - to feel E V E R Y T H I N G ?
We can. We can learn to handle emotions - to handle LIFE. And… without EATING as a blunt object comfort mechanism!! That is my definition of freedom! Living without FOOD as my emotional crutch, band aid, therapy, entertainment, best friend.
This is part of what I teach in coaching - how to be a FEELING person without the FOOD CRUTCH! How to be embodied, fully alive and happy in your body, enjoying food and life in a stable way. Chronic overeaters, food strugglers, food addicts, bingers, emotional eaters can’t just “manage food” without knowing how to manage our emotions at the same time. If we could, we wouldn’t have weight to lose and dysfunctional food behaviors!
SO…. what can you do THIS VERY SECOND to start healthy emotional regulation outside of the habit of using food for comfort?
START NOW:
Here is the best technique I have learned (originally from Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chemine) - I call it “Sensory Intensive Experiences” (SIE).
In short a Sensory Intensive Experience is: deeply connecting into one of your senses for 3-5 minutes. It is a process of training yourself to embody - being 100% present in your sensory (SENSUAL) self. {Children live this way all of the time - they operate FULLY in sensory experiencing. This part of our humanity gets trained out of us - “be quiet, you’re too noisy”, “keep your hands off!”, “sit still”, “not everything goes in your mouth!”, “you eat too slow”, “you’re TOO sensitive”.}
HOW: close your eyes and feel into a sense. Focus on it for 3-5 minutes, tuning into everything it tells you. If your mind wanders, bring it back into that sense. Relax into it and let go of any performance anxiety:-) Examples: Touch - rub 2 fingers together with intention - feel textures, temp., nail, scars - FEEL. Wiggle your toes in your shoes, feel everything in your feet. Listen - what is the farthest sound you hear, the closest (heart beat?). Taste - when eating - really wallow in the entire sensory experience - texture, smell, visual, taste. Smell - inhale something that has fragrance - get lost in it. Sight - focus on an object and just observe as much as possible w/out thinking - SEE it.
What do Sensory Intensive Experience do for us? They slow us down and get us out of our heads and into our bodies! This relaxes our nervous system. It regulates us. It connects us to LIFE. Embodying in this manner reduces heightened emotional intensity. It is CALMING.
Set timers on your phone to practice SIEs many times/day. Start practicing them before eating! Drop into an SIE when you feel angsty about anything. Practice before a stressful conversation, and even during one (try the foot version - no one knows you’re doing it! Stealth SIE!). Do a 10 minute one before sleep, and first thing in the morning. Do them while waiting for something. Do them in the grocery line! Everywhere is an opportunity to embody and self-regulate. Really.
This is Sensually Rich Living. This regulates us and brings much greater levels of ease and satiety. Sensuality is our birthright. Sensuality is our animal selves. Sensuality is our inherent default. We must reclaim it!
Sensuality is the opposite of uncomfortably NUMB.